I love books, beer, coffee, tea, SciFi, espresso, music, baking, cooking, eating, food, laughing, riding my bike, going for walks, and living in Milwaukee.

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  1. Boyfriend texting

    1. Girlfriend: I'm embracing the Paleo lifestyle by not wearing a bra.
    2. Boyfriend: Pics or it didn't happen.
    3. Girlfriend: Cavemen didn't have cameras. :-(
    4. Boyfriend: Cave painting or it didn't happen.
    5. Girlfriend: ( o Y o )
  2. Texts With the Boyfriend

    Context: Today I was eating at a restaurant and I heard the table behind me talking about their upcoming road trip to the Creation Museum in Ohio…

    Side note: Tom said he’d break up with me if I labeled these text message posts with “She” and “Him” again.


    Him said: Only if you let Tiny Plastic Fetus tell the story of its magical journey instead of just being *on* things.

    Him said:  Also they’d probably charge it admission.

    Her said: Tiny Plastic Fetus is going to fucking find Jesus and witness to the people.

    Tom, please don’t break up with me. I’m sorry I grammar’d badly.

    Edit: Google has informed me the Creation Museum is in Kentucky.

  3. Texts With the Boyfriend

    1. She: I'm dragging the 800 pound a/c out of the storage room and sis and I are gonna put it in the window.
    2. Him: #dontdie
    3. She: I can't make any promises.
    4. *twenty minutes later*
    5. She: This isn't working.
    6. Him: I hope you're referring to the A/C.
    7. She: Oh. Oops. Sorry. Yes. The A/C.
    8. Him: Whew. That was a tense minute.
    9. She: Just putting the awkward back into our relationship.
  4. Texting: How Kelly and I Do Friday Mornings

    1. Kelly: I think I left my wallet in your Jeep.
    2. Me: Are you at work now?
    3. Kelly: I'm in the Garage.
    4. Kelly: I see it!
    5. Me: *steps on to balcony.* *points key toward garage* *pushes button* *watches headlights flash* *Hears Jeep door open and shut*
    6. Kelly: Thank you!!
  5. Sometimes, on the Twitters, I mention my #kjbcoworker. There is a fun story behind this I won’t go into, but picture a 63-year-old woman with a thick Russian accent, who plays a somewhat mothering role to me in my work environment. This is one of my case managers. I’ve been with her a little over 2 years now. She is very focused in her work—driven. Scary, at times. 

    I love her. 

    Keep this all in mind as I tell you that tonight, at 10:33pm, I received the following text from her:

    "In case the world will end tomorrow just want to say goodbye."

    I need you all to know why I am cracking up on my couch right now.

  6. And Now For Something Completely Different

    Another Texting With Sarah Adventure Story.

    Me: Mary! We have to plan you a going away party next week!

    Mary: True day distance!

    Mary: Wools

    Mary: D

    Mary: Sorry I am so bad at this

    Mary: I meant to say true day

    Mary: True dat sista!

    Me: omg new favorite facebook quote!

    Mary: O great

    The end!