Wells and Young’s Ltd. Banana Bread Beer. It’s British. Watching Season 3 of Futurama in bed in my Zombie Vampire Robots from Space! T-Shirt and some pajama shorts. This is my Friday night.
Message From My Neighbor
Dearest Sarah, I hope this message finds you in good spirits and health. I’m writing you to inquire on your availability this weekend, specifically Saturday, the thirty first of July, two thousand and ten. If you did not happen to see the large portable canvas shelter erected in the backyard last even, and assume that the family downstairs might be spending a weekend in the vast wooded...
Today While Biking With Anne
Them: Hurrrr Get off the road snortcackleharharhar!! Me: HAHAHA YOU ARE SO CLEVER!! Anne: They were funny. Me: Totally hilarious! I wish I was so clever! Anne: I wish I could have hair that blonde instead of being awesome. Me: I wish I was a cheap whore in an SUV with alabaster blonde hair. Anne: And big sunglasses. Me: And a dog in a purse.
Why I Don't Go To Church
I don’t have a problem with God. I think He’s a pretty stand up guy. We’re buds. My problem is with Religions, in general, and how each one has such an overwhelming amount of confidence that only they hold the key to the Gates of Heaven. This overwhelming confidence that, out of the billions of people in the world, they are the only ones who are right, comes with countless...
I like to read my horoscope at the end of the day and compare notes.
12 miles down, 88 more to go. By the end of Sunday. I <3 my bicycle.
I love people watching. Mostly because I like to make fun of people who aren’t me. I’m a judgmental bitch is what I am. Tonight, I was at a bicycle race on Milwaukee’s East Side. And thank God I didn’t fall into any giant sink holes! Featured thoughts tonight included, but were not limited to: That guy’s a wannabe Jonas Brother. That girl has a feather sticking...
Storm's over. Haha just kidding.
Could have Flood me. HAHAHA DYSLEXIC JOKE!!
Thunder is just Zeus’ way of telling Christians they’re doing it wrong.
This thunder puts new meaning into the Big Bang...
Well, the sky is made of guns and my home is going to sink into the ground after flooding, probably. Is this the end of Brew City, The City of Festivals, the Mil? It was nice living here, Milwaukee. We had some good times. If tonight I shall be dying, it will be as a true Milwaukeean. Drinking beer in my pajamas.
Birth marks and deformities on people are believed...
samantherr: -lipsticklullabies: I have a birth mark on my hip, and on the back of my knee. MAYBE I WAS IN A WARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! D: (via mutation-) My birthmark is, I kid you not, a 2cm-diameter circle, centered over my heart. I must have been a jackass. Or Juliet.
Tornadopocalypse is happening right now. Well… soon. I think. It’s raining. With thunder!
I said I was going home to work because the work computers are slow. I forgot to mention my secret language where work=nap.
I just killed a giant bug with a shoe. And then stared at it for a bit because I certainly was not going to touch it. I guess I hadn’t really planned for a future following its death. But then I had the great idea to use the vacuum hose on it. Oh, the cleverness of me!
I had a lot of coffee and now I’m going for a bike ride! To Dairy Queen and back on the trail is 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-18.5 miles and I’m going TWO TIMES!!!! I had a lot of coffee and now I’m going for a bike riiiiiiddeeee!!! Whoooo!!
All the Nurses just received an email advising us to use universal precautions when entering a home if we know there are sick residents. Universal precautions include handwashing. If we have any questions, we can contact “Jane Doe”. Dear Jane Doe, I’m a little confused and, as a medically trained professional, I have some questions. Should we stop washing our hands when the...
Futurama is streaming on Netflix. See you all never again, probably.
Sometimes when I’m driving behind people, I think probably their only handicap is their driving disability. You shouldn’t be rewarded for that with a special license plate and decal that let you park closer to the grocery store. You should have your license revoked.
Everyone on Twitter is angry. Hold me, Tumblr.
If I had a catheter, I’d never have to leave my bed.
I saw you...
Taking 16th Street to Saint Francis Hospital today, I look to my right to see a cop car pull up next to me at the red light. As he kept inching forward, I thought perhaps he just missed the lane off to the side to turn right… no. Off he went. Through the red light. The light turned green and I followed him. Because it was on my way to the hospital anyway, so why not? It proved difficult to...
Who Do I Write Like? →
NPR told me about a fun, new toy today. Of course I had to go check it out! You copy and paste some of your writings into a box, click “analyze”, and it tells you which famous author you write like! So I just spent the better part of the last hour…ish… looking through my old blogs and copying and pasting them into this box. I think the overall winner was David Foster...
All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and...– J.M. Barrie
You know what’s really fun about not counting calories? Eating.
Since probably no one is going to Heaven, obviously, maybe God will join us down below.
How To Sing A Fake Indie Band Song:
The band I saw tonight sounded like one of those bands with the fans that think they’re listening to obscure music, but really it sounds the same as every other fake Indie band. Think R.E.M. While listening to the band, I said aloud the next part of the song. Like a play by play, but for the future. Because the music pattern is predictable. Maybe the music is good. Maybe I love it. But...
Conversations with Anne
Anne: I put my phone in my lap. Now it’s roaming. Always happens when my phone is between my legs. Nothing gets in there, I guess. Me: It’s ok because that means nothing gets out either.